


Feel Like a Puzzle (Can't Find Your Missing Piece)

by MassiveSpaceWren



Series: Looking for the missing Piece [Stuckony] [1]
Category: Captain America (Comics), Iron Man (Comic), Marvel 616, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Amnesia, Angst with a Happy Ending, Avengers Vol. 4 (2010), Bucky Barnes as Captain America, Captain America Vol. 5 (2005), Commander Rogers, Getting Together, Happy Ending, Hopeful Ending, Invincible Iron Man Vol. 1 (2008), Light Angst, M/M, Pining, Polyamory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-01
Updated: 2017-01-01
Packaged: 2018-09-12 11:01:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9068755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MassiveSpaceWren/pseuds/MassiveSpaceWren
Summary: After the Civil War, after Steve’s death, after Tony deleted his brain and the Siege on Asgard ended, things were finally looking up for Tony. 
He couldn’t believe his luck when Steve not only wanted their friendship back, but also asked him on a date. 
Things weren't quite as rosy as they seemed, though, and soon Tony found himself dealing with villains and teammates alike while trying to figure out how to continue after forgetting the last year of his life.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Cap Iron Man Community](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Cap+Iron+Man+Community).



> Set around the time Bucky was part of the Avengers in Avengers V4. I know it wasn't that long canonically, but let's pretend it was, and that everything that follows in canon either went differently or is a bit in the future still.
> 
> I've been told it's understandable even without much comic knowledge.  
> Most of the fic is set at a time where Bucky is Captain America, Steve is Commander Rogers and doing what SHIELD did before, and Tony has deleted his brain to protect the information form the Registration Act.
> 
> The prompt will be in the end notes, because of possible spoilers...
> 
> Title is from Coldplay's "Talk".

Tony stood in the ruins of Asgard. The other Avengers were standing nearby, talking, all around the fallen city. It had been a very long day.

At the Siege of Asgard, he had caught glimpses of Steve for the first time since he had woken up with an RT in his chest and a year’s worth of memories missing. They had told him Steve had died and come back to life, told him about the superhero Civil War, about the Registration Act... It still wasn't the same as remembering. He had gone through every database he could find, all his personal notes, and watched all the footage he could get his hands on. He might not remember, but he could still learn from the past.

He'd seen himself fight Steve, and for a terrible second, he had been happy he was only seeing it from outside and didn't remember what it felt like to have Steve fight him, have Steve look at him like that.

Even after all that, he hadn't quite been prepared for Steve to look at him with mistrust and betrayal when their eyes had met on the battlefield.

Then, it had all gotten worse. They'd gotten stranded in Vanaheim, and even though Tony had pretended to act normal, nonchalant, he had been surprised Steve had come to his rescue. Fighting by Steve's side had always been seamless. They had been through so much together, had fought villains for years and always had each other's back. They had also always argued about decisions and fought each other, even before the Registration Act, but it had never been this bad.

Tony looked at Steve, who was talking to Thor a few feet from where Tony was standing. No matter how hard it would be, no matter how long it would take, he couldn't let their friendship end like this. He had to fix it.

He excused himself from the Avengers around him, and made his way to Steve. There had to be a way to fix things, somehow.

They apologized. Even if it didn't make everything alright again, Tony didn't hold himself back from saying what he meant this time, "I'm not half as good at anything as I am when I'm doing it next to you."

\---

Tony started rebuilding. His company, his life, his friendships with everyone... He had lost a lot and while it might never be the same, he needed to try and make things better again. That was what he did: build things.

\---

'Director Stark' had been a man with many secrets. Tony would have laughed at it if it didn't rather make him want to cry. Thankfully, there were still people who trusted him and who he had trusted with his secrets.

Friends and files had told him about the official SHIELD business. Natasha had told him about his deal with the vigilante Captain America, who apparently was none other than Bucky Barnes, back from the dead, or rather, back from his years as a brainwashed assassin.

With Steve in charge of whatever resources were left over from SHIELD and HAMMER, and the Registration Act abolished, the heroes who had gone underground were finally officially pardoned. Tony had taken the liberty of inviting Barnes into the Tower, hoping that not all of the things he had done as Director had ended in disaster.

Barnes closed the door behind him and looked around, taking in the room.

"Barnes, good of you to come by," Tony started. Barnes tensed up visibly, but relaxed again a moment later. "I've heard a lot about you, well, you know, Natasha told me about us," Tony continued. Barnes just narrowed his eyes and looked at him suspiciously.

"Apparently I was clever enough to let a smart cookie like Natasha in on my secrets." Tony turned away from Barnes. He didn't like talking about things he didn’t know; it felt too much like failure. Not looking at Barnes and trying to keep the mood light was a lot better. "You know, after waking up with that RT in my chest and all, it was really good to have someone fill me in. Since I don't remember anything. Well, not nothing, but nothing since the Registration Act. So she told me I was working with you. Off the records, of course. Ah, don't worry, there will also be no records of this talk." With a dismissive motion of his hands, Tony slowly turned back towards his guest. "I guess she thought we worked well enough together. She also said you were there when you, well, restarted me? With the shield?" He rocked on his feet and looked down. "So. Thanks for that, by the way."

When he looked up he saw Barnes staring at him, mouth set in a thin line.

Tony took a deep breath. "Look, I don't want to reminisce or anything, I'm not nostalgic. Just wanted to know if there is anything important I’m missing; can't really look it up anywhere, if it's secret."

Barnes looked away and seemed to think about it for a minute, before he shrugged. "We worked together, while I was unregistered and wanted, like Natasha said. You had your in at SHIELD and the government, keeping me out of the worst trouble, and I got the criminals you never got permission to go after. It was running smoothly most of the time."

Tony had the feeling that Barnes, too, was trying to sound more nonchalant and casual than he actually was. "Anything more? Did you ever meet me and not just phone in when there was a problem?"

Barnes let out a small, short chuckle. "Sure, not meeting in person made keeping it secret easier now and then. But we did meet, sometimes."

With the way Barnes was staring at him, Tony thought there was something Barnes didn't tell him. "So we were, what? Work buddies? Friends? Enemies with a common cause?"

Barnes looked a bit like he had bitten into something sour, and Tony wondered for a moment if Barnes actually hated him like so many others did. Then he let out a breath and shrugged again, less tense. "I guess friends is what comes closest. Not like it was an  average friendship, considering I was hunted down by, you know, you and your people." 

Tony was trying to gauge whether Barnes was angry at him about that, when he saw the small smile playing around Barnes' lips. Joking about life threatening situations? Tony grinned. He could get used to that. 

“Well, friends sounds good, then,” Tony said.

\---

As time progressed, Steve and Tony met, and fought, and made up again. Tony tried to do better, to solve things. He was concerned they'd never work well together again, on the same team, but Steve shut him down with a quick joke about not killing each other. If he wanted Tony to be on his team, Tony would. It was all Tony wanted, too, to stay with him.

Steve sent Tony's old armors back to Tony, trusting him with them. Tony returned the trust by giving Steve the means to take him down, should Steve need to.

In the end, Tony realized what he had said was true; they did always work best together.

\---

Tony was tinkering in his workshop, trying to improve Hawkeye's trick arrows, when Steve walked in.

Seeing the determined look on his face, Tony felt his stomach drop. Had he done something recently that Steve would disapprove of? Nothing came to mind immediately.

Steve stopped in front of his desk, fists clenching and unclenching, his gaze wandering across the room before landing on Tony again. Tony's worry turned into concern for Steve.

"Tony," Steve started, his voice uncharacteristically squeaky. He took a deep breath. "Tony… we've been friends for years. Ever since I woke up in the future, you've been there for me."

Tony's eyebrows rose in confusion. The tone sounded like one of Steve's regular speeches for team morale, but he wasn't sure what had brought this on. Where was Steve going with this?

"Even when we disagree, when we fight about what we think is right, we can't deny how much we'd rather be working together." Steve sighed and squeezed his eyes shut. "We can't erase what happened, but we can learn from it. I never want to fight against you like that again. I… you are the best thing that has happened to me since I woke up from the ice. You… you have to know what you mean to me." Steve took a rattling breath and looked at Tony, not daring to look away again. "Do you… want to go on a date with me?"

Tony stared at him, mouth opening and closing. "…What? I…" He couldn't quite wrap his head around the situation. "You _mean_ it?"

Steve took his hand and held it tight when Tony squeezed it. "Yes, Tony. I've... I've had a crush on you for a while and I…" He faltered.

"Yes," Tony whispered. "Yes, Steve, I'd love to go on a date with you."

The smile Steve gave him seemed as bright as the sun.

\---

The date went fine, until the subject changed to the Civil War. Then Tony was back to apologizing while Steve was having none of that.

Now Tony stared at his glass, wishing it was wine and not water, while at the same time thankful it wasn't.

He took a breath and opened his mouth, to say something, anything-

Their Avengers alarm sounded.

Tony looked up, and nodded when Steve said that they should go. They went outside, and Tony let the armor cover him. The HUD lit up with the information he needed.

"Wrecking Crew this time. Spider-Woman and Hawkeye are already there," Tony informed Steve quickly.

"Can you fly us there?" Steve asked, stepping closer.

Tony hesitated for a moment, the awkwardness of the date fresh on his mind. Then he put his arm around Steve and fired the boot jets. Tony was unusually aware how close they were. It would have been a tight embrace if not for the armor. Tony was happy only he could see his heart rate pick up in the HUD.

When they arrived, Tony was distracted from these thoughts.

Thunderball threw his wrecking ball at them, and Steve blocked with his energy shield. Tony rolled in the air to evade the next attack, holding tightly to Steve. With the momentum of Tony's roll, Steve caught the piece of debris hauled at them, and threw it at Thunderball, hitting him straight in the gut, so that the weapon came flying out of his hands. Tony held on to Steve while firing a repulsor at Piledriver.

Flying lower, Tony sped up again. Steve jumped off the Iron Man suit with the momentum while Tony flew a slight curve, their movements fluid and practiced after years of fighting together.

Steve barreled into Wrecker, who had been fighting Spider-Woman, while Tony grabbed Bulldozer. Trying to restrain him was harder than it looked, but gave Hawkeye the chance to glue the villain's hands together with one of his trick arrows.

Tying them up was short work after that.

Captain America and Thor even arrived to help with the cleanup, playfully complaining about missing the battle. Steve and Bucky spent a few minutes tossing the shield back and forth before Steve handed it back to Bucky. 

Tony offered Steve a ride back to the tower, which was just as normal and comfortable as it has been for years. It was easy to fall back into this pattern of trust and understanding.

"This was kind of fun," Steve said, barely audible over the wind.

Tony had to chuckle and agree. "We could spar again, some time?"

Steve grinned widely. "Sure. It's a date."

\---

Tony looked up from his welding when Bucky entered the workshop, but then turned back to it and finished the seam. Bucky visiting him wasn't as uncommon as he would have expected. "What brings you down here, Buckaroo?" he asked and took off the welding helmet.

He saw Bucky shrug from the corner of his eye. "Nothing much. We were done with sparring and I had not much to do until dinner. I heard you were working on something big?" Bucky stood in front of the quinjet Tony was trying to repair.

Tony chuckled. "I need to fix the propulsion unit and, you know, close the huge gaping hole in the side. Tsk, tsk, superhero battles are really not healthy for my beautiful tech. This isn't the first one broken this week." Tony said after setting down the spare part he was working on. "I plan to get a new one, but if something happens now, we should have a functioning quinjet, so I thought I'd fix it immediately.”

"Need any help with the heavy lifting?" Bucky tilted his head and looked over the spare parts.

Tony found himself nodding. "Actually, yeah. I mean, I could do it with the armor, but it will be faster like this.”

Tony gave instructions when needed, but most of the time Bucky could guess what Tony wanted surprisingly well. He moved and angled the parts to Tony's gesturing and set them down carefully enough.

"I need the, uh..." Tony said, waving his free hand while lying in the small space under the engine. Moments later Bucky had handed him the right tool. They continued like that for a while, with only half spoken sentences and Tony's mind on the repairs.

When they were finished, Tony realized they were still early enough for team dinner.

He wiped his hands and turned to Bucky, who was staring at the workshop with a wistful look in his eye. When Bucky turned again, the expression was gone. Tony frowned. It wasn't a rational thought, but he was weirdly convinced something was up with Bucky.

"Hey, are you alright?" he asked quietly.

Bucky looked at Tony, sighed and smiled. "Yeah... yeah I will be," he said. "Come on, let's go eat."

They left the workshop, while Tony couldn't shake the thought that 'I will be' did not mean 'I am fine now'.

\---

The Avengers were a team that had been led by Tony or Steve often enough in the past. They had probably heard every variation of jokes about them being the team's parents. Weirdly enough, even though they were actually together now, the teasing didn't increase. Sure, there was no official memo when the two of them went on their first few dates, but the gossip got around fast enough. Luckily, Steve and Tony could still be around each other at the tower without ribbing from the other team members. Or at least, without _much more_ ribbing.

Steve sat in the huge kitchen, eating breakfast while skimming the newspaper, when Tony walked in and went straight for the coffee machine. After a few sips that woke him up a little, he smiled at Steve, and got himself breakfast too. Sitting down next to Steve to eat felt normal and cozy, like it had for years. Steve sipped his juice and handed Tony a tablet before Tony even had the chance to ask. Eating, they sat there, each concentrated on their own reading, though the silence was occasionally broken with either of them mentioning interesting things they had read. The casual closeness between them just felt good.

Then, Steve snuck a hand to Tony's knee and Tony froze. _That_ he was still getting used to. Steve let his hand rest there, warm, comforting and unobtrusive. He smiled at Tony before returning his gaze to the newspaper. Tony tried to hide his own grin and blush by taking another sip from his coffee.

When Clint entered the kitchen, he still smiled knowingly, but actually kept his mouth shut for a change.

Later that day, Tony and Steve sat together on the couch in the common room and talked animatedly. The sun was setting slowly. Belatedly, Tony realized that with breakfast, team discussions, sparring and then just never stopping their talk after showering, they had spent the whole day together.

Steve was sketching now, looking up at Tony in between. Tony was mostly ranting about the differences of sci-fi franchises.

"...If Star Wars can even be called science fiction, you know. It's more like fantasy, but in space. But if it doesn't count as the same genre, we'd have to adjust and refine the genres for the other series too," Tony explained.

"But didn't they have these Borg people, they were very science-y," Steve said.

Tony's head whipped around, his hand clutching at his chest as he gasped. "How dare you...!" he started, before he saw the mischievous glint in Steve's eye. He stared, dumbfounded. "You're messing with me!" he shouted, laughing, and threw a pillow in Steve's direction.

Steve chuckled, ducked the pillow and said, "Caught me."

Tony made a show of pouting and grabbed his tablet. "No way, I can _not_ stand this ridicule! You don't joke about sacred things, Steve!" Tony said, unable to hide his mirth.

Tony got up to leave and walked around the back of the couch, when Steve caught his wrist. "Can I bribe you to stay? I could offer to show you my drawings? Or would a few kisses be payment enough?"

"Well, I think seeing your very secret sketchbook would be something to stay for," Tony said, leaning over the couch, hesitating before hugging Steve from behind. "Sadly, I should go soon, I need to get some upgrades done," he added.

Steve opened the page he had been drawing on again. Tony gaped when he saw it was a picture of him, looking alive and happy, and more radiant than any photoshoot or portrait had made him look. "Steve, I..." Tony started, but couldn't find the words to speak.

"Tony, you're a wonderful person, and you mean a lot to me. I hope you understand that..." Steve whispered.

Tony just hugged Steve tighter, and let his head fall to Steve's shoulder. They clung to each other like that for a while, until Tony disentangled himself slowly. He pressed a lingering kiss to Steve's cheek, and then when Steve's head turned towards him, to his lips.

They heard a small intake of breath and looked up, startled. Tony let go of Steve and took a step back.

Bucky was standing in the doorway, his eyes wide and surprised, before his expression settled to something more neutral. "Uh, sorry. Didn't mean to intrude," he rushed to say, before turning sharply and scurrying out.

"Well, that was a bit strange," Steve started. "Not like we did anything weird. I guess he'll get used to it."

Tony frowned. He couldn't pinpoint why, but his instincts told him Bucky was far from alright.

With another quick kiss to Steve's cheek, Tony turned to leave. "I'll go and make sure he's fine," he said, smiling at Steve again while walking out.

He found Bucky on one of the balconies.

Bucky was sitting on the ground, staring at nothing, face turned towards the horizon.

"Hey,” Tony said, drawing out the vowel, “mind if I sit with you?" Tony asked. At Bucky's slight shake of head, he sat down.

They were silent for a while, then Bucky took a breath to speak. "Sorry, I... was just surprised to see you there."

"Hm-hmmm," Tony started. "Why do I get the feeling you're not really being entirely honest...?"

Bucky chuckled, his face a grimace. "Keeping secrets has kept me alive for the last year, and you expect me to be completely honest?"

"Oh no, you saw through my clever plan to get at all your secrets!" Tony joked. "Really though, I'm just trying to understand. Also, maybe talking to someone would help, at least that's what people tell me all the time, after which I tend to ignore that advice."

A self-deprecating smile ghosted over Bucky's lips. They sat in silence again and Tony had the feeling that saying nothing might help more right now. Weirdly enough, Tony apparently had enough instincts about Bucky to know when to shut up.

After a while, Bucky sighed. "It's just... not easy right now," he whispered. "I... I was in a relationship a short time ago. Well, if you could call it that; maybe it was more like a fling? But." He sighed again. "Well, we're not together anymore, so there's that. Seeing you and Steve just reminded me that I'm alone now."

Tony nodded, letting the words sink in to give them the importance they deserved.

"Thanks for telling me. And just so you know, you're not really alone. Even if there's no grand romance right now, you still have friends. Natasha, Steve, Sam. And me."

Bucky choked out a laugh. "I guess you're right about that," he whispered, almost too quiet to hear. He turned to look at Tony. "I'm really glad you're happy with Steve, though."

Tony smiled and Bucky grinned back. While Bucky may not have told the full truth about his personal matters, Tony was sure he meant what he said about Tony being happy.

\---

Tony and Steve were walking home, hats pulled down to shadow their faces and sunglasses hiding their eyes. In normal clothes like this, people usually didn't look at them twice, which gave them at least some privacy.

Walking hand in hand came naturally by now. Tony stepped closer, letting go of Steve's hand and sliding an arm around Steve's waist. Steve put his arm around Tony's shoulders as they walked, leaning against each other.

They kissed on the short elevator ride and then made their way to the living room on the common floor. Tony teased Steve a bit about having to catch him up to modern day movies, but Steve teased right back. "With the time I actually spent learning about the time I missed, I probably know more than the average person who lived through it, by now," he chuckled, but chose a movie nonetheless.

They sat down next to each other to start watching, but didn't stay like that for long. Soon, Tony was draped over Steve, head propped up on his shoulder. Steve ran his hand up and down Tony's thigh and grabbed for the popcorn with the other.

When the other Avengers joined them, they stayed exactly like that.

\---

Tony closed the door behind him and leaned against it, a broad smile on his face. He unrolled the small piece of paper he was holding to look at it again and his grin widened. If he was going to continue like this, his cheeks would hurt tomorrow, but he couldn't contain it. His hands gently stroked the paper.

Steve had given him a pencil sketch of the two of them together. He'd been nervous about whether Tony liked it, as if there was any chance Tony might dislike a present like this. Tony had already expected to love it, but had been blown away when he'd actually seen it. Steve had put so much detail into their expressions, them smiling at each other warmly, that he could see that Steve cared about him.

Tony turned to his dresser to put the picture some place safe. He had a drawer reserved for gifts he loved and chose to wear on special occasions, like the tie pin Pepper had given him a few years ago. While the picture was not really jewellery, he thought it would be nice to look at it whenever he got ready for some event.

He opened the drawer, sorted through some trinkets and placed the drawing inside. He looked down at it lovingly and smiled again. Pepper's tie pin was still there and Tony ran his hands over it, before rearranging the items so he could still see the picture while having everything in reach. His gaze landed on an unfamiliar little box. He frowned and took it out of the drawer.

Tony turned it in his hands and carefully opened it. There was handwritten text inside the lid.

_After your two hour "lecture" about alloys, I thought you might enjoy these.  
Don't worry, none of the secret info is on them._

Tony took one of the cufflinks out of the case and looked at it more closely. It was engraved with the molecular structure of one of the metals he used for the suits. He checked the other, and saw it depicted the other main component. Putting the cufflink back into its box, he couldn't suppress a chuckle. Where had those come from? He had clearly liked them a lot, given that they were in this drawer. To be honest, he could understand that; wearing those in public would be an inside joke that he was always in a suit, and wearing metal.

The person who had given these to him must have clearly been paying attention. Had he plagued Pepper or Carol with a rant about his suit? Asking around would mean he'd have to admit he'd forgotten. He decided that for now, he'd just be happy about the thoughtful gesture.

He smiled once again at the cufflinks and tucked them away safely into his drawer.

\---

Tony woke up in Steve's bed, alone. He turned around, tangling himself in his loose pajamas, before sitting up. He yawned and looked around, grabbing for the note beside the bed.

_I'm just out for my usual morning run. Looking forward to seeing you later! -Steve_

Tony smiled and slowly crawled out of bed.

When Tony went to get his morning coffee he sleepily walked past the balcony doors twice before he realized that Bucky was sitting outside. He stared for a moment, and when Bucky didn't move, he went to get a second mug of coffee and shuffled outside with the two mugs.

Bucky flinched when Tony approached him, but seemed to relax again after a moment. Tony sat down next to him and pushed the spare mug in Bucky's direction.

Bucky raised an eyebrow at Tony and said, "Trying to bribe me?"

Tony shook his head, smiling slightly. "Just bare human decency. Leaving a man without coffee in the morning would be too cruel. There are laws against such torture, you know."

Bucky slid his hand over his face and chuckled lightly. Half of the coffee disappeared into his mouth a moment later.

"See. Better?" Tony asked.

Bucky was still for a second before he answered. "Better. Yes."

"'Better'..." Tony said, looking at Bucky to gauge his reaction. "But not 'good'."

Bucky's chuckle might as well have been a sob. "Yeah," he agreed.

They sat in silence, only broken by the noises of them sipping their coffees. When Bucky's cup was empty, he set it down and looked at Tony. "Thanks," he said.

Tony put a hand on Bucky's shoulder and squeezed lightly. Bucky winced, but then leaned into the touch. Tony pulled Bucky closer and wrapped his arms around the other man in a tight hug. Bucky returned the embrace and seemed to relax a bit, but when they broke apart, Tony thought Bucky's eyes were wet.

Bucky let out a self-deprecating laugh. "It just still stings a little, I guess?" he said and shrugged. "The breakup, that is." He took a heaving breath. "I knew I never really stood a chance. But I had to try, didn't I? Should've been more careful. I even gave them the compass I used in the war, as a gift. Sure, that thing is useless now, but it's one of the few things I have left from, well. Before." Bucky squeezed his eyes shut. "It's over, I know it is. And that's fine. It's just... I-" he sucked in some air. "I still love them," he whispered.

Tony was surprised Bucky was still so hung up about this person; the relationship must've been serious. He wondered if the mystery ex just didn't know what a good guy Bucky was.

Leaning over, Tony was about to offer another hug, when Bucky turned to him again. This time, Bucky put a heavy hand on Tony's shoulder, but didn't quite look at him. "Thank you," he said. "For listening and... everything."

Tony swallowed. "Sure thing..." he said, feeling dumb.

Bucky nodded at him, got up and walked back into the building.

Tony turned to look after him and wondered when Bucky's happiness had become so important to him.

\---

Steve sat in front of Tony mostly looking at his food and pushing it around the plate. Tony sighed.

He had invited Steve for a fancy dinner, just the two of them, in one of the nicer rooms of the tower. After the last weeks he'd thought everything was going really well, but tonight Steve had barely spoken. There had been moments when he'd thought he could still turn it into a nice date, when Steve had smiled and laughed at something Tony had said, but whenever he'd thought it might be fine after all, Steve had looked away shortly afterwards, his smile turning into something less natural.

Steve finished his food and put his fork down. He began piling the dirty plates and carrying them into the kitchen. "Thanks, Tony," he started, "It was really great."

Steve was still trying to turn away from Tony. Maybe this had been a bad idea. Had  it been too much? Having an expensive dinner delivered? Maybe Steve would have wanted Tony to cook something himself. Yeah, not a great plan; Tony could make enough to survive, but his food was far from date-worthy.

Steve was done putting everything into the dishwasher and stopped, standing in front of Tony. Slowly, Tony took Steve's hand and leaned in for a kiss. Steve met him halfway, melting into it, before pulling back again.

"I should go," Steve said. "Training will start early tomorrow."

"Steve…" Tony whispered. "Look, I'm sorry, we'll do something else next time?"

Steve pulled him into a tight hug. Maybe not all was lost, yet.

"No, _I'm_ sorry. I'm just… tired, tonight. I'll see you around," Steve said and with a final sheepish look, closed the door behind him.

Tony ran a hand through his hair. He had to fix this, somehow. The elevator ride down to the workshop was short, but started to clear his head.

He sat down at the workstation and cracked his knuckles. Time to invent something Steve might need. He started on improved body armor and tested different kinds of material combinations for a few hours. At that point, his brain felt like mush and he closed the project. A hundred different thoughts kept running through his head, but he was unable to concentrate.

Tony switched to skim through a bunch of older projects, sometimes half finished, sometimes scrapped together. Looking through more obscure directories, he finally landed in an encrypted folder. He opened one of the files and his eyes went wide.

It was body armor for Bucky as Captain America.

Tony flipped through the annotations he'd made. Natasha had told him that he and Bucky had designed the suit together, but these clearly were his own ideas and improvements. The sinking feeling in his stomach only became stronger. In the last few weeks, he had tried to ignore how important Bucky had become to him. He'd tried to shove the thought away. They were friends; of course he would care about Bucky. But by now he wondered if his feelings had grown into something more than friendship.

He looked through his comments again. While their wording might have seemed normal to anyone else, Tony knew how he operated. When he had made them, he'd been worried about Bucky, known his fighting style, and dedicated himself to protecting him. The little comments about exactly what crazy stunts the small adjustments would help with and the time that had gone into perfecting every detail told him the rest.

He'd been in love with Bucky. He swallowed hard. And he'd apparently been pining.

These upgrades were among the other theoretical or scrapped ideas. Nothing that he had actually built was here. He'd never made Bucky that suit. From what he knew about himself it was because he'd probably never told Bucky about his feelings.

He closed the project.

He had Steve now. It was a good thing these feelings about Bucky were in the past. Forgotten and over.

_Are they, though?_ a small voice in Tony's head wondered. He decided to ignore it.

\---

This time it would work. Tony stood at the table he had prepared. Maybe the five-course dinner had been too much. Maybe on the dates afterwards, when Steve had pulled back, it had been because Tony had chosen the wrong thing. The restaurant they'd eaten at might have been too public, the movie on the other date might not have been to Steve's taste.

Any other explanation was better than the sinking feeling he got when he considered that maybe it wasn't just the dates. It was him. He just wasn't good enough, wasn't what Steve wanted, not after all they'd been through.

Tony shook his head. No. This time, it would be ok. Tony had cooked the dinner himself, simple but tasty, pasta with a nice sauce. He'd even done a practice run a few days before to make sure it was more than barely edible.

The knock on the door meant Steve was finally here. "Come in," Tony called out.

Steve opened the door and came in quietly. "You said I should come over?" he asked, before stopping and taking in the room. His eyes went wide when he saw the cozy atmosphere, the home-cooked dinner and the candles on the table.

Tony smiled sheepishly. "Care to spend the evening with me?" he asked, trying to sound more confident than he felt.

Steve froze, a panicked gaze roving around the room again. He took a startled step backwards. "Tony-" he choked out, his eyes sad. "I- I can't... I'm sorry. I can't deal with this right now. I- sorry," he rushed to say, then turned on his heel and fled the room.

Tony stared after him for a long while, then slumped into a chair and put his face into his hands. Steve couldn't deal with _this_. With Tony. A noise that was half sob and half laugh escaped his throat.

This was it. It was over now. Tony had tried, and with all of Steve's good will, still failed. Not relationship material after all. He should have known. With all his character defects, everything he did wrong, and the Civil War between them, how could Steve actually want him?

He'd be fine. He had loved Steve for a long time and always managed to live with that. Only now he'd have to live knowing what Steve's kisses felt like, what a relationship could have been. He curled in on himself and stayed like that until the food was cold and the candles burned low.

\---

Tony sat in his workshop, staring at nothing. The screens were on and displaying all kinds of projects he should be improving or finishing, but he couldn't concentrate. Not after 32 hours of work.

He got up and paced around the room, starting to rummage around shelves and boxes, moving objects from one place to another randomly. After a while his gaze fell on a drawer he used to store things of personal value in. Huh, when had he added a combination lock to it? He played around with it and tried a few numbers he might have used. Suddenly it opened. _Can't hide things from myself, I guess_ , he thought.

He pulled open the drawer and sorted through the things inside. A piece of old leather strap, left over from the first time he'd repaired Steve's shield. The debris from his first gauntlet. And some small round object that looked ancient. He grabbed it and turned it over in his hands. It was a compass, probably more than 30 years old. The initials "J.B.B." were etched in the back.

The bottom dropped out of Tony's stomach. This was Bucky's compass. The one he'd said he had given to the person he'd told Tony about.

Bucky had been in love with him. They'd been _together_.

No. No, this couldn't be right.

Tony hastily put the compass back and slammed the drawer shut. He took a few steps back. Shit. Shit!

He lurched towards the door and stumbled through the corridors. This was a mess. He needed to know if it was true. He needed to do _something_.

Shortly after, Tony found himself in front of Bucky’s door. He hesitated, biting his lip. He started to raise his hand to knock when he heard loud voices and flinched back.

“Steve! Stop it! Just go on your dates and be happy!” Bucky’s voice was agitated and loud enough to carry through the closed door.

“I can’t just do that, it’s not _right_! Not like this!” Steve sounded just as upset.

“The only person you’re hurting with your stubbornness is Tony! He wants to be with you, and don’t tell me you don’t know that.” Bucky’s voice had taken a more pleading tone.

“I _can’t_! Not if you… not when you and he were together and you are here like this...”

The blood rushed in Tony’s ears. Steve _knew_. Knew about him and Bucky. And he had never said a thing.

“He doesn’t know, Steve, and he never will,” Bucky said, quiet but determined.

Tony gathered what strength he had left, forced his expression into something neutral and opened the door. “Who doesn’t know what?” he said in a flat voice.

Steve and Bucky recoiled from him, looking shocked. Bucky’s mouth opened and closed a few times, trying to form words, while Steve was gaping openly.

“I- uh. We were just-” Bucky started and swallowed heavily. “Just talking about the team...”

Tony’s cold stare cut Bucky’s flimsy excuse short. They had both known and had kept it from Tony. They had both started a relationship with him and then left, probably at the point where he’d become too much. Bucky had just planned on Tony never finding out.

“I _know_. I found your damned compass,” Tony snarled. “What- What was this!? You both trying to get to me? What the hell was your plan? Was this just a game to you?” _Was_ I _just a game to you? _Tony thought bitterly. He looked up again and glared at them.__

__Steve and Bucky both looked as devastated as he had ever seen them. Bucky’s expression turned into self-disgust and remorse and he looked down, while Steve continued to look at Tony, desperate and broken._ _

__What he saw, their reactions, didn’t fit with his theory at all._ _

__“Tony, we...” Steve whispered. “We never meant to hurt you. Please believe me. You don’t know how much you mean to us-”_ _

__“Damn right I don’t! And whose fault is that!?” Tony shouted bitterly. In the silence that followed, Tony took a few heaving breaths and put his head in his hands. His thoughts were racing, the information of the last ten minutes starting to sink in._ _

__Tony had been in a relationship with Bucky. _He_ had been the one Bucky had been talking about, the person Bucky was still hung up on. Tony swallowed. The person Bucky still loved._ _

__All the sad looks, the moments when Bucky had congratulated Steve and Tony on their relationship and wished them luck, Bucky sitting alone outside, not quite able to deal with the situation. That was all because of Tony. Bucky had tried to let him go so he could be with Steve._ _

__Tony’s breath caught as he looked from Steve to Bucky and back again. Steve must have found out at some point. He had been acting weird the last week, uncomfortable with being close to Tony, whenever he’d had enough time to think about the situation._ _

__“You,” Tony gasped and pointed at Bucky, “were ready to give up our relationship? And you,” he turned to Steve, “didn’t want to hurt his feelings?”_ _

__“I’m so sorry, Tony,” Steve rushed to say. “It wasn’t my secret to tell. And I just- I couldn’t just pretend everything was fine… I’m ready to leave you alone, if that is what you want. I just want you to be happy. I love you, Tony.” Steve’s voice was quiet._ _

__“Tony,” Bucky started, his voice broken. “I love you. I still do. But I also know what our relationship was like.” Bucky smiled sadly. For the first time since Tony had woken up, he seemed to be showing all his desperation openly. “You weren’t really happy, not after the Civil War. Steve was- gone. And we started our- our… thing. But now Steve is back. It’s fine. You don’t need me. I know you love him.”_ _

__“Yes I do, but I love you, too!” Tony shouted, his chest heaving. “I may not remember, but I’m not an idiot. I found the cufflinks, those were from you, too, right? I must have loved them, they were right next to Pepper’s presents. Not to talk about the compass. Or the upgrades for your suit that I found...”_ _

__“You made upgrades for me?” Bucky asked, face contorted in confusion._ _

__Tony let out a hollow laugh. “Yeah, seemed like I never showed you because I was worried it’d make it obvious for everyone how I felt about you. At least that’s what I assume from the notes and annotations.” Tony sucked in a breath. “There's also the small matter of, uh, feelings for you that happened sometime between the damned siege of Asgard and now...” Tony cleared his throat. “I’m really not good with all these things about emotions, but I know that I loved you. Love you still.”_ _

__Bucky’s face was frozen in disbelieving wonder, when Steve choked out a breath. Tony turned to him and took in his wet eyes and pained smile._ _

__Tony turned to Steve and took his hand gently. “And you, you idiot… Do you still not believe that I love you, after the last few weeks? Steve, I’ve been in love with you for _years_. You make me want to be a better man. I would risk everything for you. I don’t ever want to lose you. I tried to make it work, the last weeks, I really did. The time we've been together has probably been the happiest I’ve been in a long, long time. I don’t want to give up being with you-” Then it hit him. Tony didn’t want to lose either of them. He froze, his stomach turning to ice._ _

__Steve and Bucky both looked concerned that he had stopped suddenly._ _

__“I’m so sorry,” Tony whispered, eyes wide with fear. “I can’t choose between you.” He shook his head slowly, still staring at them. “I love you both and I can’t be with you because I can’t give up either one of you,” he choked out._ _

__Bucky and Steve were in front of him suddenly; Steve had placed a careful hand on his arm, then pulled Tony into a hug._ _

__“Breathe, Tony, it’s ok,” Bucky whispered._ _

__Tony was breathing heavily and Steve and Bucky looked at each other. Their silent conversation went right over Tony's head._ _

__“Whatever happens, we’ll be here for you, Tony. You mean the world to us.” Bucky’s promise was quiet but he seemed determined.  
Steve held Tony tight until Tony calmed down again.  


"Tony, what if…" Steve's voice was quiet and he stepped back to look at Tony. "What if you didn't have to choose?" he finished, sounding more confident. "Bucky and I would be fine with, well, sharing. If you want. We could try that. You'd get to have both of us." 

__Bucky nodded along._ _

__Tony gaped at them, not quite ready to believe them._ _

__“How… what do you mean?” Tony took a step back. This wasn’t how it worked. Tony never got what he wanted._ _

__Steve and Bucky looked at each other, before Bucky answered. “You stay together with Steve, you can be happy together. At the same time you can try and date me. See if that’s something you’d want.”_ _

__“By which he means, an equal relationship,” Steve said, eyeing Bucky. Then he sighed. “That would be my suggestion… Of course, whatever you are okay with, Tony. We… We’re both ready to step back when your feelings change.”  
__

"I mean, we'd have to see how it works, and probably even talk about it," Bucky tried to joke and smiled timidly. His face turned concerned again. "That is, if you'll have me." 

__Tony swallowed. “I think,” he said with a hoarse voice, “we could try that. Are you-” He swallowed again. “Are you really fine with that?”_ _

__Both Steve and Bucky nodded slowly._ _

__Tony carefully took Steve’s hand and looked from Steve to Bucky again, questioning. When no objection came, he pulled Steve into a hug and kissed him. The press of lips was chaste and still a little uncertain, but after the last few weeks if felt familiar and comfortable a moment later. Even when the kiss ended they held each other close._ _

__“Please promise you’ll tell me, tell us, if something changes or if something is bothering you?” Tony whispered in the space between them._ _

__Steve nodded and kissed him again. “I can’t promise you it will all be fine, but we’ll try. You’re too important to give up easily.”_ _

__Tony chuckled. “Oh, if your stubbornness stands against breaking up, I’m starting to believe we’ll stay together.”_ _

__Tony disentangled himself slowly from Steve and turned to Bucky, who was waiting behind him, looking more subdued._ _

__“You’ll tell us too, if something changes?” Tony asked, finally daring to hope this really might work out, somehow._ _

__Bucky was tense when Tony pulled him into a hug. The first quick peck on Bucky’s lips had Bucky trembling with strain. Their next kiss was still chaste, and Tony realized Bucky was trying to keep himself from clinging to Tony too firmly. Before he'd even made a conscious decision, Tony put his arms around Bucky and held him tight. Bucky made a desperate sound at the back of his throat and sank into their embrace. Kissing Bucky was new, but felt like finally coming home._ _

__When they parted, Bucky stared at Tony as if to make sure this was real, caressing his face. Then he pulled Tony into a hug again, buried his face in Tony’s shoulder and sobbed quietly. Steve joined them and held both of them close._ _

__They spent a long time just feeling the others were there. They would still need to discuss specifics, boundaries and rules, but for now, just trusting each other and having this chance was enough._ _

__After a while, Tony pulled back slightly to grab Steve’s hand with his right and Bucky’s with his left. “We’ll try this? Together?” he asked._ _

__The others nodded. “Together.”_ _

**Author's Note:**

> Made for this 616 prompt:  
> After Captain America's assassination, Tony and Bucky fell into a sexual relationship. Of course Steve turned out to be alive after all... Poly ending preferred.
> 
>  
> 
> When I saw the prompt I just KNEW that I had to write it! 
> 
> Thank you for reading! :)  
> Feedback would be appreciated.


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